Horror

Well, imagine my horror, upon reading a recently purchased baby book, that the Stork, is no longer the preferred method of delivering a baby (!) I am starting to think, that the less I know about all the 'procedures', the better off I will be. Two key words are starting to describe my preferred method of delivering a baby. OBLIVIOUS and DRUGGED. VERY VERY DRUGGED. Exactly a week ago, a close friend of mine had her second baby. The onset of her contractions was so fast, that the baby was starting to crown* whilst her husband drove like a mad man through the darkened streets of Cape Town at around midnight. Needless to say by the time she got to the hosipital there was 'no time for drugs, no time for an epidural, just start pushing'. *crown: the babies head was starting to stick out of her 'you know what'. Had that been me, I would have been threatening a severe lawsuit against the medical facility if they didn't get an anaethetist 'immediately'!!! So, thus I have chosen the elective caesar method where you're scheduled two weeks before your due date, to have a calm, quick 10 minute surgery and then four fabulous days recovering in hospital before you have to take the baby home and wonder how the hell to turn this screaming purple thing, into a well-behaved adult. The unwanted cries from the MIL and SIL about how 'natural is much easier' is falling on my non-existent ears. The fact that the SIL actually had a caesar less than 3 years ago seems to have been erased from her own memory. I had to remind the MIL that her last 'easy natural birth was my husband was 34 years ago, and that the memory of her 36 hour labour with him might have dulled somewhat. Frankly I will deal far better with a scar at my bikini line, than I will deal with a torn doo-dah. I don't care that it takes longer to heal, it's less friggin invasive and less mortifying. Thank god I have a chick doctor. As it is I am going for my first appointment EVER with her on Thursday, I am hoping that this will prepare me for the many debut's that my doo-dah will have to make in public in future. Why, for the love of god, did they phase out the stork?